Speaking of logs

Here is a little logging humor:

A REDNECK DECIDES TO TRAVEL ACROSS THE SOUTH TO SEE GOD'S COUNTRY.

WHEN HE GETS TO VIRGINIA, HE LIKES IT SO MUCH HE DECIDES TO STAY... BUT FIRST HE HAS TO FIND A JOB.

SO HE WALKS INTO THE INTERNATIONAL PAPER COMPANY OFFICE, AND FILLS OUT AN APPLICATION AS AN 'EXPERIENCED LOG INSPECTOR'.

IT'S HIS LUCKY DAY, AS THEY JUST HAPPEN TO BE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE ... BUT FIRST, THE LOG FOREMAN TAKES HIM FOR A RIDE INTO THE FOREST TO SEE HOW MUCH HE KNOWS.

THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD, AND POINTS AT A TREE. 'SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE? TELL ME WHAT SPECIES IT IS, AND HOW MANY BOARD FEET OF LUMBER IT CONTAINS.'

THE REDNECK PROMPTLY ANSWERS, 'THAT THAR'S A WHITE PINE, WITH 383 BOARD FEET OF LUMBER IN HER.'

THE FOREMAN IS IMPRESSED! BUT HE STOPS ABOUT A MILE DOWN THE ROAD, AND POINTS AT ANOTHER TREE, AND ASKS THE SAME QUESTION. THIS TIME IT'S A TREE OF A DIFFERENT CLASS. 'THAT'S A LOBLOLLY PINE, AND SHE'S GOT ABOUT 456 CLEAR BOARD FEET,' THE REDNECK REPLIES.

THE FOREMAN IS REALLY IMPRESSED WITH THE GOOD OL' BOY! HE'S BEEN QUICK, AND HAS GOTTEN THE ANSWERS RIGHT WITHOUT USING A CALCULATOR! BUT HE NEEDED ONE MORE TEST TO BE SURE.

THEY DRIVE A LITTLE FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD, AND STOP AGAIN. THIS TIME HE POINTS ACROSS THE ROAD, AND SAYS, 'AND WHAT ABOUT THAT ONE?' THE REDNECK SAYS, 'WHITE OAK, 242 BOARD FEET.'

SO THE FOREMAN HEADS BACK TO THE OFFICE A LITTLE TICKED OFF BECAUSE HE THINKS THE REDNECK IS SMARTER THAN HE IS! AS THEY NEAR THE OFFICE, THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK, AND ASKS BUBBA TO STEP OUTSIDE. HE HANDS HIM A PIECE OF CHALK, AND SAYS, 'SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE? I WANT YOU TO MARK AN 'X' ON THE FRONT OF THAT TREE.'

THE FOREMAN THINKS TO HIMSELF, 'HOW WOULD HE KNOW WHICH IS THE FRONT OF A TREE?'

BUT WHEN BUBBA REACHES THE TREE, HE GOES AROUND IT IN A CIRCLE,LOOKING AT THE GROUND, AND THEN REACHES UP AND PUTS AN 'X' ON THE TRUNK. THEN HE WALKS BACK TO THE FOREMAN, AND SAYS, 'THAT THAR'S THE FRONT.'

THE FOREMAN LAUGHS TO HIMSELF AND SAYS, SARCASTICALLY, 'HOW THE HELLA DO YOU KNOW THAT'S THE FRONT OF THE TREE?!'

THE GOOD OL' BOY LOOKS DOWN AT HIS FEET (WHILE RUBBING THE TOE OF HIS LEFT BOOT, CLEANING IT OFF IN THE GRAVEL), AND REPLIES,
'CUZ SOMEBODY TOOK A DUMP BEHIND IT!'

HE GOT THE JOB ... AND IS NOW THE FOREMAN!!!